That Ferret!
by emaji
Summary: Draco Malfoy has been a constant pain in my you know where for the last six years. But now ... “Going to the library, huh? Can’t wait until 8?” He whispers softly, teasing me. “Like I said, you just can’t resist my charm.” That ferret! Please R&R & enjoy!


Hey guys! My first fanfic here ... so I'm kind of scared, but I figure it's time to finally start writing after spending upwards of 3 years constantly reading some of the incredible stuff on here. It's rated T for safety, since I'm unsure about the whole "suitable themes" thing, but content is barely up to the K+ level. So here goes the ...

Disclaimer! I do not own any characters ... sadly JKR does ... but the plot's mine. Don't quite know if that's a good thing.

Just FYI, it's not compatible with anything really (the first four books maybe) - it's really just a short drabble in the HP universe. Enjoy:)

* * *

I, Hermione Granger, cannot believe what is happening right now. Here I am, sitting in Transfiguration, calmly and dare I say, very neatly (I pride myself on my penmanship), taking notes on a complicated conjuring spell, when something hits my head. Indignantly, I turn around to search out the culprit who dared, _dared, _to throw the offending ball of crumpled parchment at me. My eyes zero in on the blond head at the back of the classroom. _Ah, who would've guessed – it's Ferret! _I laugh bitterly to myself.

Draco Malfoy has been a constant pain in the you-know-where for the last six years. He has taunted me, insulted me and mocked me in every possible way. I have gone out of my mind with all of his arrogance, his constant attention seeking, his preening of his perfect little finely chiseled absolutely-drop-dead-gorgeous face… _argh!_ You'd think that with the war over and old Voldie dead, he'd change his ways and be a bit nicer. Well, apparently not. He had sided with us during the Final Battle and had returned with us to Hogwarts to finish his seventh year, but the old Draco was still there. His taunts have less bite in them today, but taunts they were. Instead of insulting my parentage, he'd started teasing me about the way I'd _filled out_ and how much fun I seemed to be having with my _boy toys_. Honestly, as if Id ever do _that_ with Harry and Ron! Disgusting really. Theyre just friends, and thats the way its going to stay.

I glare at Malfoy once more, just for good measure; I know hes watching me from underneath that slick, blond, _finely coiffed_ hair. Dont make the mistake of thinking that Im infatuated with Malfoys hair today – Im just remarking the obvious. Anyways, I turn back to the ball of paper, and slowly unwrap it under the desk. I freeze suddenly as McGonagall passes by my desk. Ugh, I will absolutely kick Malfoys arse if he gets me in trouble with this. That little punch in the face in third year is going to seem like cake compared to what Ill do to him if he gets me a detention in my last year. As Head Boy (yes, he _is_ Head Boy, I couldnt believe it at first either) he should know better. Or I will make him sing Like a Virgin in front of everyone at breakfast. Or show off his pink briefs at Potions class. Or …

Nope, getting ahead of myself with all the revenge planning. Slowly, I open the crumpled paper. I squint at the writing ...

"Ms. Granger, how are you doing with the Conjuring spell?" McGonagall asks in a stern voice.

Well, I'm doing bloody fine thanks to Malfoy there. I turn around to glare daggers at him. All his fault. I see that he's already successfully conjured up some little vipers, typical. Huh, that sneak, I bet he threw this note to me just to distract me. I ….

Wait, I haven't read the note yet, have I? Well, here goes. Slowly, I spread the paper on my knees, smoothing it with my hand.

_Granger, _

_Meet me in the library tonight at 8. Something to discuss._

_D.M._

What? I'm not going to meet him. Nuh uh. Ah wait, there's something more on the piece of paper. A little cartoon shows up at the bottom of the paper.

_If I know you, Granger, then you're still looking at this paper murderously._

I am _not _looking at the paper murderously! I just want to crumple this paper into a little ball and pretend it's his head, that's all.

_So to let you know that my intentions are _completely_ honourable …_

I can almost see the smirk on his face as I read this. Malfoy's intentions, honourable? Yea right. As if to prove me right, a little cartoon appears beneath his words. It's him … and then me … and then he's touching me. And kissing me. And, uh oh, he's groping me ….

No! I refuse to watch this. My cheeks burn at the inappropriate thoughts inspired by the lewd cartoon. I turn to looks indignantly at Malfoy. His head is down, and I just have to do something – so I finger him. I have never, ever done that, but it seems the action is in order. I actually enjoy doing something so forbidden – while Malfoy doesn't realize anything's going on. His dimwitted buddies have however, and they're guffawing quietly in their corner. I smile with glee, when Malfoy's blond head lifts and his smirking gaze connects with my triumphant one. His mouth twists into a smirk, what a delectable smirk, with his soft lips twisting into this trademark expression, his gorgeous slate eyes crinkled with hidden laughter … _argh!_ Malfoy caught me fingering him and is now smirking at me!

The triumph fades as Malfoy makes a circle with his thumb and forefinger and proceeds to finger me through … Nope. Not watching that. I can hear the boys guffawing in the back, but I don't care. I'm not turning around, not now, not ever. I try to keep my eyes on my notes as a raging red blush threatens to fill my cheeks. Harry looks over at me, I can feel his gaze, but I can't lift my face to look at him. I just shake my head and tell him to mind his own work. I love Harry and Ron, I really do, but sometimes, they are just too protective. I can take care of myself.

What I can't do is concentrate on my work. I keep thinking about Malfoy … _Malfoy_, of all people! I look at the paper again.

_And now you can't stop thinking about me._

I can imagine another smirk. That damn bastard! What gives him the right to pretend he knows me? I was _so_ not thinking about him. Not about his arrogant manners, or his lewd teasing. Nor about his vanity and the way he _always_ has to have his hair styled to perfection before he comes to class. The _only _reason I notice is because my hair is always the opposite of his – and you know why? Because I'm too busy actually doing work to take care of it. That's right. You know what else irks me – the way Malfoy never does any work whatsoever, but manages to get the same marks as I do. Not that he could ever take my place at the top of the class, I'd die before that happened, but still. It's simply not fair how that _boy _can have everything without trying. That's why I am_ not _going to have anything to do with him. So he can make all those lewd gestures to my back (and I know he's doing it right now, I can just feel it), I don't care, because I can't see them. So ha. So I'm just going to crumple up this paper and throw it his way.

_And now you're going to crumple up this paper and throw it my way._

I gasp. No way, he can't read my mind like that, that's just not decent. I turn towards him again. I am seriously about to get off my chair and stomp over to his desk, I really am.

_And now you're going to disregard all of McGonagall's rules and stalk over here with your cute bum swaying because you can't resist my charm any longer._

This time I do get off the chair in a rush to reach that little Ferret, except the bell rings and my wild attempt is unnoticed in the rush of students hurrying towards the door. I push all of them aside. I'm going to get to that scrawny, well not really because he's oh so fit and fine, ferret. But all he does is send a winsome smile my way before strutting off to his next class. And I'm left alone in the classroom.

I'm going to get you, you little lovely ferret, I whisper to myself. I'm going to find you and get my hands on you, and you won't be laughing any more. No more distracting notes in class, no more taunting, nothing, I tell you, will stop me! I almost emit a maniacal laugh before I look around the now empty room.

"Are you okay dear? You seem to be a little stressed … and talking to yourself. Are you sure you're feeling well today Ms. Granger?" McGonagall's voice gets me out of my trance.

Damn it Malfoy, even the teachers notice I'm going crazy because of you. I mumble a quiet reassurance and flit out of the room. My next class is Arithmancy, but thankfully the Ferret doesn't take it with me. Hah, not smart enough to take Arithmancy, now are you, Mr. Showoff? Nah, he's smart, just lazy; Arithmancy is a workfilled course and that's one of the reasons I love it. And today, the other is that Malfoy's not in the class with me.

Aaah … A whole Malfoy-free class where I will think of nothing but crunching numbers – it's heavenly bliss. I settle into my seat and open my notes.

* * *

Argh, that was the most harrowing, difficult class ever. But I am happy, absolutely happy, because I managed to translate my chart perfectly, and Professor Vector commented on my exceptional work. It was fantastic. I get lost in a little daydream involving Professor Vector and all of the other Professors standing up in the middle of dinner tonight and saying that I am the best student they have ever had. And then they would invite me to take apprenticeships with any one of them and appoint me assistant to the headmaster. And then ….

I am rudely interrupted from my – aah, heavenly – daydream by none other than, you guessed it … Harry. Ha, I guess you didn't guess it. I smirk smugly, before I realize I'm talking with myself again. Damn, it's all Malfoy's fault, again, because I only started having arguments with my head since he started … well, everything. Never mind though, because Harry is staring weirdly at me. I quickly stifle my smirk, and tell him I had just eaten a really sour candy. His face reflects understanding and he pats me on the back and leaves. Aww, that was almost boring. Dra – Ferret, I correct myself, wouldn't have ever fallen for that. And speak of the devil …

"Hey Hermione, want to go eat dinner?"

It was Ron. Ha, fooled you again. Mental note: stop talking to yourself Hermione. You can't outsmart yourself, because then _you _will be smarter than you are.

Hmm … actually, that's not a bad idea at all.

"Sorry Ron, going to the library."

I reply quickly. Ron has this thing at dinner where he shovels food into his mouth like there's no tomorrow and then tries to hold down his end of the conversation, so I end up staring at the dead cow in his mouth half the time, and it's become downright gruesome these past few days. So I am disinclined to join him for dinner, or any other meal for that matter.

But speaking of the devil – there was Malfoy in the corner, a _smirk_ on his face again, and I am just itching to wipe it off of him. But I can control myself – I am, after all, the Head Girl, and my behaviour has always been exemplary – so I march up to him, all straight-backed and confident, and I hand him his note and tell him to put where the sun don't shine. Then I haughtily turn and am about to walk away (and I planned it all, the sway of the hips, the smirk on my face as I turn around midway and tell him off for staring at my butt, because I know he will, the pervert) when he grabs my shoulders and pull me real close.

"Going to the library, huh? Can't wait until 8?" He whispers softly, teasing me. "Like I said, you just can't resist my charm."

I start shaking. I really am going to just …_urgh_ … the insolent bastard once and for all. But as I gather my nerve and turn around with my angry face on (and Ron and Harry could tell you, it rivals McGonagall's, I'm just _that_ good) he has disappeared in the crowd of students. Coward. He knows I could totally kick his ferrety arse if I wanted to.

With my thoughts on the Ferret, I totally forget I was going to the library in the first place, so I turn around and continue down to the great hall. It is only halfway down the stairs that I realize that I had meant to go to the library. And _then_ I realize that I hadn't in fact succumbed to Malfoy's charm, because, lookie here, I _hadn't_ gone to the library. Hah! Except then, I realize that the reason that I hadn't gone to the library is that I was thinking about Ferret. But never mind that.

Disgruntled, I walk into the dining hall. Now the one thing about Hogwarts that's never remiss is its food. There's always something positively scrumptious on the tables. And today it is … porridge?! What? Oh, yuck. I hate porridge. Its soft consistency, the sliminess, the mucus-y taste … I am _so_ going to complain to Dumbledore about this. In fact, I'll head over to the staff table right now. As Head Girl, I am going to _politely_ suggest we get something better for dinner. Politely and nicely, that's the way to get anything you want.

* * *

Half an hour later, and here I am, ladling the disgusting slime into my mouth. I guess I just wasn't _considerate _of other student's dieting needs. I guess I just wasn't _concentrating_ on my health. Argh! Apparently, it was the _Head Boy_ who had smartly suggested that students be forced to eat this unsavoury brew for dinner to improve the general health conditions. Oh, that smart aleck, thinking he can best me. But he can't! I'll outdo him. I _will._

It's then that I start to notice that while I was thinking about my many diverse revenge stratagems (oh, I have a crafty mind, I'll let you know – there is one with Malfoy ending up in a red leather bathing suit displayed on the roof of the Great Hall among others), my fork had been drawing designs in my porridge. I can barely make out some word that went "HGDM". What's hgdm, I think. Happy Goblins Dance Manly? No, that sounds weird. Maybe it is from a textbook … Wait a second! No no no! I am not writing _that_ in my porridge. Looking around, I see Malfoy approaching me, so I swiftly dump the whole noxious brew into my mouth, leaving only the really disgusting dregs in the bottom of the bowl.

"Granger, ready to go?"

I just stare at him silently, slowly working up the will to swallow the damn porridge.

"Ah, stunned into silence by my good looks I bet. You know, if you think that your boy toys like them quiet and submissive, you're doing a mighty fine job of it." He smirks and wiggles his eyebrows at me. "I, on the other hand," he leans into me and softly whispers, "like them loud and feisty." His grin only serves to further fuel my fire.

My mouth finally empty, I surge up to explode at him. It is of course then that I realize that I am playing right into his hands. Either I take the insult quietly, or I make a fool of myself by playing "_his_ type". So the result is a mumbled scream that sounds something like this.

"WHATDOYOuarghmmmm!"

"Like I said, still have no words to describe my greatness, do you?" The Ferret just has to go on with it.

I mutinously stand up and follow him out of the Hall. To hell with the Head Duties, I'd rather just shut myself up in the library to do some homework. But Dumbledore is staring at me, and after the whole porridge debacle, I can't really have an all out argument with Malfoy right in front of his nose, can I?

So now Malfoy and I are patrolling the corridors together, as per our Heads duties. He struts in the middle of each hallway like he owns it, and since I don't want to stand anywhere near him, I am forced to prance along by the walls, awkwardly bumping into the portrait frames once in a while. It gets uncomfortable after a while, especially with the rude comments of the occupants of the paintings. One even has the nerve to tell me to go sidle up to that "lovely blond boy and take his hand" because I so _obviously_ need assistance in walking. Stupid Merlicus the Bard. Should be Merlicus the Bumbling Fool, because he doesn't know what he's talking about. He's … Ow.

I find myself flat on my back on the carpeted floor. I feel my head for a bump, because I just walked into another picture frame. Stupid frames. Now I see Malfoy's smiling face above me. I will _never_ hear the end of this.

"So," he pauses, smirking, "need a hand?"

But I know that once I touch his hand, it's over, it's all over, and he will tease me for the rest of my life! So I just furrow my eyebrows at him and ungracefully raise myself from the floor. It is the whole on-my-knees-crotch-up deal, and I tell you, it isn't pretty. I just don't have the grace of some other girls, which can make even going to the toilet sexy. Sleazy sluts the lot of them. I am independent, and I WILL … apparently, feel dizzy for the rest of the day. The corridor darkens in front of me, but I wave Malfoy's hand away from me and continue on behind him. He gives a shrug of his finely wrought, muscled, yummy … uh, I mean plain, shoulders and walks in front of me. All I have to do is focus on his head. Just focus on the bobbing blond ball in front of me, and all will be fine. It's not my fault that I can't help but notice how nicely his hair falls down or the softness and the sheen … I blame it all on the dizziness.

* * *

Aah! It's seven thirty, and the rounds are finally over! I stumble into the library gratefully, leaving Malfoy behind (ah, freedom) and settle down in my favorite cushy armchair with my transfiguration books. I have to study up because, _thanks to Malfoy_, I wasn't paying attention in class. God, that, that … that indescribable Ferret! I just can't stop thinking of him. He just … gets to me. Like a persistent (and by that I mean _incredibly _annoying) bird that pecks away at your nice shielding bark until you break. And pecks and pecks and pecks. Gods, that boy _wouldn't give up!_

No Hermione. Stop thinking of him. Bad Hermione. Do your homework. I really do try to concentrate on the Conjuring spell, but I can't, I just can't. That Ferret drives me **insane**! I see him, he there _all of the time_, he teases me, he makes lewd remarks, he takes every opportunity to touch me and **he drives me **_**absolutely CRAZY!**_

"I don't think you are. Unless you're crazy for me that is." The Ferret is here. Ooopsie, I guess I said that last part out loud, didn't I.

"I can't take it anymore!" I groan in frustration.

"So you give up?"

I know I absolutely cannot do it, shouldn't do it, _must not_ do it, but I am tired, exhausted really, of this whole day. I just want this whole ordeal to end. Please.

"I …" a long pause on my side. But I bravely continue on, my chin up, laying my pride at his feet (don't think about it Hermione), " I give up."

"You were right, and you win, and blah blah blah." _Just don't gloat, please, _I pray in my head.

Instead, he smiles at me strangely, almost a caring smile really, and envelops me in a tight warm embrace. I melt into him like butter and just hope he'll hold me. Because he was right. Because I couldn't take this day. Because it drove me crazy.

"So you agree that you couldn't survive a day without me?" He whispers softly against my neck.

Don't give in, don't give in so easily I tell myself.

"Well I'm still here, aren't I?" I manage to murmur breathily, because the feel of his arms around me is just oh so good, it leaves me catching my breath all the time.

"My proud lioness." He murmurs with a laugh.

"My caring little ferret." I mimick him back.

"But you do agree …"

"Oh shut it, yes, I agree, I couldn't live a day without you, now kiss me properly!" I whine at him.

That lovably mouth curves in a smile, for me, always for me, and I can finally relax, because it's true, I couldn't survive a day without him by side, without his kisses and caresses, without his smirks and taunts and most of all, without Draco Malfoy as my guy.

In response, he smirks wildly and leaves. I stare at the space he had occupied just moments ago before I stumble on after him, cursing the sneaky little Ferret to living hell. That _stupid, inconsiderate, emotionless, stupid, idiotic, stupid _…

What? Yes, I'm dating him and I'm completely enamoured. But just cause I'm dating him doesn't mean he hasn't remained the annoying ferret that I know, and, (I am almost ashamed to say this in front of everyone, but I just cornered him by the Divination Section – it has to be good for something – and his hand is stroking my back in a really nice way, so I'm giddily smiling while saying this) love. I'm in love with that … ferret.

* * *

**AN:** _Yes! It's done! After writing this chapter, I have to say, I really admire the authors who can have 10000 word chapters, because boy, is it hard to write that much. Anyways, thanks for reading this and PLEASE REVIEW! Pretty please :)_


End file.
